they gave us a truncated morning pep talk/sales instruction meeting today. the managers just looked at us and said, “if you haven’t learned it by now you’re fucked. now get out there and sell.” inspiring as always.

after yesterday’s experiment of shooting video while screwing around on calls i figured i would push the envelope today and see how much i could get away with. turns out a lot.

the sales leads had been messed up in the computers and auto-dialers all week. today they were finally fixed so all of the salespeople were getting a lot more contacts more quickly. even my group with really bad leads were getting more real people instead of answering machines right off the bat.

however, most of the people i spoke to had already been pitched 1 to 4 months previous and many of them began shouting one of the following things at me within seven seconds of speaking to them on the phone:

a.) take me off your list
b.) i already told you i’m not interested
c.) i’m broke and i don’t have any more
d.) fuck off [click]

since the leads were hot (for the veteran salespeople) today nobody paid any attention to what any of us (the new salespeople) were doing. after realizing that i was actually going to get to speak to more people, but that these people were all angry at our company and/or broke and weren’t going to buy anything from me anyway, i decided to make some more videos.

all of the following videos were recorded during actual sales calls. one woman ended up purchasing a $2,800 warranty from me even after the awful/ridiculous things i said to her during the call. if you’d like, guess which of the following calls resulted in that sale and leave it in a comment at the bottom of the page.

the christian lady in the final video was super crazy and out of her mind and funny. however, right after i stopped filming she started talking about her son who had died in some sort of skateboarding accident. she went on about it for like ten minutes. i felt trapped and somehow obligated to hear her out and listen to her entire story. it was kind of tragic and awful, even though the lady was so clearly off her rocker.

it’s weird. even when you’re not taking this job seriously and just screwing around it still finds a way to make you feel terrible about yourself and the world in general. probably because it’s all around evil thing that we are getting paid to do.

here are my twitter updates from today’s work shift:

Nothing like clocking in late and then scranbling outside to smoke a cigarette on company time to start off your Friday.

Only 6 more hrs of this & then I’ll have the whole weekend to not have to feign civility to people wearing Ed Hardy t-shirts.

Today’s office radio selection: Christian grunge rock talk radio. Awesome! Haven’t heard Jars Of Clay in forever. #jarsofclaysucks

Station change. Oh good, Lady Gaga’s on. Let the shooting rampage begin. Lock and load.

Just saw a floor manager scream “you goddamn broke dumbass stupid piece of shit” at an elderly woman in Saratoga. This is a magical place.

If you’re free, swing by at lunch and we can hang out in the Unicorn Petting Zoo out back and

Have just been instructed that if I hear the words “Jesus Christ” to immediately hang up on the “motherfucker.” #praisedbehisname

There’s a guy walking around the office unironically wearing a trucker hat & bandana around his neck.

Look out, stage coach! You’re about to be robbed by a douchebag.

Dude wearing all the cologne in the world at once, it’s an office not a nightclub. Ease back with the Axe body spray, playa.