even though i get off the freeway at the victory blvd. exit every morning i still feel like a loser.

they wouldn’t give me a parking pass so i had to park off property three blocks away. charming start to what promises to be another shitty week.

received a lecture today on how to demand money from customers when in “the money box.”

wish the money box would fill with zykon b while i was in it.

sold a product to some crappy stock broker in crappy north carolina to go along with his existing crappy thing he already owned. it was a post date payment plan so it probably won’t even go through. however, for a fleeting moment i just had the sense of accomplishment that goes along with out mediocre-ing the mediocre.

lots more bad 90’s music being piped in this morning.

getting a shit ton of answering machines today. i’ve not spoken to a single real person for the last four or five consecutive hours. i forewent my break in hopes of making contact and getting a sale. not even being given the opportunity or chance to fail today. this sucks.

guy across from me is taking apart, wiping down and attempting to dry the innards of his cell phone. must have dropped it in the toilet or something; it’s 90 degrees and bone dry outside (so no puddles). who in the fuck actually drops their phone in a toilet. thought that was just something girls told you when they needed an alibi for not calling you back.

here are some of my more miserable work tweets sent out today:

“Teach Your Children Well” is playing on the in-house speakers at my dayjob where we are instructed deceive and manipulate people foe cash

Pretty sure that the irony of the situation is lost on everyone here except me and… holy shit, Jerry just hung himself!

Just double tweeted by accident. Sorry the obese man two cubicle rows away wailing the lyrics to “Major Tom” distracted me for a moment.

I work at a karaoke bar in the level of hell reserved for people who never went back & finished the last 4 units of their AA degree.

Guy next to me just told a customer “I’m not making that up” about something he clearly just made up. May have even swore to god. Kill me

Floor manager is making a blowjob gesture while on call with an elderly woman. Classy.

Guy next to me keeps putting his Korean client on mute so he can mock their Asian accent. R’s for L’s and whatnot.

Ken Jeong’s role in The Hangover has set Asian people back further than Art Carney and my dad’s M-16 in Nam combined.

Nirvana’s “Rape Me” is playing right now. Apparently the cancer in my soul is playing dj at my workplace today.

Now Weezer’s “Hash Pipe” is playing and making gay street prostitution sound so much more inviting/rewarding than this job.

Beck’s “Loser” now playing. Ok, ok, ok. I get it universe. Things are not going well for me right now. No reason to be such a dick about it.

Alice In Chains’ “Angry Chair” making me consider coming into work on heroin tomorrow. Anyone want to make a Bonnie Brae run w/me?

Matchbox Twenty? Really? F*ck you, Guglielmo Marconi. I wish you and Tesla had been born without hands. The Radio = Highly Overrated

Guy behind me tying his mother’s illness/death into sales pitch to a lady going thru medical expense bankruptcy. #fuckeverythingaboutthisjob

I’d rather gargle hobo diarrhea while riding a pogostick than be here right now. #workplaceennui

I’d rather drive a railroad tie through my cock and beat a porcupine to death with it than be here right now. #thisjobisaids

Everytime a flourescent light bulb tube burns out an angel uses the bathroom without washing its hands afterwards.